Share the Love

It’s Valentine’s Day this month and my thoughts have turned to love. Because I believe that love – or at least the way we express our love for others at this time of year – can be a model for great business practice.

Now, some of you will doubtless be thinking I’m referring to those businesses which benefit directly from our annual ‘love-fest’ – card shops, jewellers, florists, and chocolatiers – which is no surprise since last year a survey by Visa Commercial found a surge in consumer spending of up to 400% in these outlets in the run-up to February 14^th.

But what I’d like to look at here is the bigger picture … the underlying psychology of giving anonymous gifts on Valentine’s Day.

Because, when Shakespeare said “love sought is good, but given unsought is better”, he was expressing to a fundamental human truth. A truth anthropologists and sociologists refer to as Generalised Reciprocity – sharing goods, labour or love without expecting anything in return. Indeed, what makes this sharing process ‘reciprocal’ is simply the sense of satisfaction the giver feels, and the general feeling of goodwill that it creates in the wider social group.

In today’s industrialised societies, Generalised Reciprocity is a relative rarity found mainly between parents and children and between long-term partners. In other cultures, however, it can span entire societies, and in her novel Pay It Forward (which became a film of the same title in 2000), Catherine Ryan Hyde speculated on what would happen in a modern, western community if someone did three people a favour – something the recipients couldn’t do for themselves – and then told them NOT to ‘pay it back’, but to ‘pay it forward’ to three others who would, in turn, pay it forward to three more.

It’s a compelling concept, but one which one of the leading characters in the film describes as “overly utopian”. However, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I would like to ask a simple question: is it?

Consider, for example, the relationships HR practitioners have with their suppliers which, for me, split broadly into three types.

First, there’s the Commoditised relationship, a straightforward transaction with no emotional content. Success is a smooth process – and a low price.

Second, there’s the Conditional relationship where the interaction is defined and measured. Success is meeting the terms of the Service Level Agreement and delivering on-time and on-budget.

Third, there’s the Unconditional relationship.

A relationship where the HR practitioner and the supplier are working in partnership to deliver for the organisation.

A relationship which is fluid, allowing for other departments and suppliers to play their part.

A relationship founded on honesty, trust and shared values.

A relationship where client and supplier alike work hard to engage in a level of Generalised Reciprocity that enriches everything it touches.

Now, I would wager that everyone reading this column can think of at least one example of a client-supplier relationship that falls into each of these categories. And the fact that we can all think of examples of Unconditional relationships proves that the ‘pay it forward’ concept isn’t “overly utopian” – it’s simply an expression of what happens when we decide to invest in our relationships. Because what we also know is that these are exactly the relationships which deliver the greatest value.

However, as we begin to emerge from the depths of the recession it’s clear that for many of us – HR practitioners and suppliers alike – one of the things we have lost focus on over the past couple of years is our investment in these long-term, sustainable, unconditional relationships. The very relationships we all need to turn around our economic prospects.

So, with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, please allow me to share a thought with you.

After you’ve helped boost the turnover of the card shops, jewellers, florists, and chocolatiers along your local high street, spend a few moments considering how you might be able to make life a little bit easier for one of your key customers or suppliers – then pick up the phone and tell them. Because that one act of unconditional goodwill will repay you many, many times over.

Published in HR Magazine February 2010